It's that time again

 

Edna: Margie, when was the last time you dusted off this television set? It's like it's barely been used all summer. 

Margie: Edna, there's nothing good on summer television. I'd rather sit on the porch or sunbathe or hang out at Bailey's. When was the last time you did any dusting anyway? 

Edna: Well, I'm dusting now. Don't you know what time of year this is? It's fall premiere time! My lands, the way you complain about summer television, I would have thought you'd be counting down the days. I'm excited about our old favorites coming back, like Castle, but there are some good-looking new shows this year too. Have you heard about Ringer? It's got that "Buffy" girl and it looks very suspenseful. Oh, and it has that lovely Nestor Carbonell from LOST, too. 

Margie: I know exactly what time of year it is and I have my shows already scheduled. I don't know anything about a Ringer but that Secret Circle looks good. So does Person of Interest. I have to watch Dancing With The Stars even though I hate that show. You know how I love Nancy Grace so I'll be rooting for her. I hope she doesn't shame me. 

Edna: You tolerated me watching DWTS when mon cher Gilles was on, so I guess I can afford you the same favor. Just don't expect me to call and vote for her, in case there's someone I like better. There's a few comedies I'm looking forward to, like Suburgatory and New Girl. I know you don't like sit-coms, but if I can watch all those boring documentaries you like, then you can sit still long enough for me to watch something funny. 

Margie: Okay, you can watch those silly comedies but I'm putting in my ear plugs! You know, sister, we could get one of those DVR's if you weren't so stingy. I could watch Body of Proof, Unforgettable, and Anarchy when I pleased. I hate they're all on at the same time. It's odd that you like funny TV shows when you're always so sour. 

Edna: Just to show you how sweet I really am, I'll dip into my pin money to pay for a DVR. I consider it money well spent if it means you'll stop griping at me. Good Lord woman, close your mouth. You're attracting flies.

Summertime TV Blues

Edna: Margie, I tell you what, I hate this time of year when our regular TV shows go on summer hiatus. We have to wait on pins and needles all summer, wondering how the story is going to take up where it left off. But it also leaves us with a lot of extra time on our hands over the summer months.

I don't want to sit around staring at your pruney face all summer, so I'm going to pick a few summer TV shows to watch instead. What do you think?

Margie: I think you're a dingbat and you talk too much while I'm watching TV. I did watch that new makeover show last night. It's about weight loss. That trainer, Chris Powell, made my eyes pop out but I wasn't pleased to learn that the girl was only losing weight to have that surgery. I thought she'd lose the weight all on her own.

I'm going to be watching Persons Unknown on NBC.  It's about about strangers coming together to solve the puzzle of their lives. Guess who is the puzzle of my life, sister?

Edna: It's nice to hear you acknowledge that I am mysterious and an enigma. You, however, are an open book...the kind you want to give away to Goodwill after reading the first few pages.

You know, I'm really looking forward to Falling Skies on TNT (Sunday June 19 at 9PM EST). It's about aliens, which should be good and scary. It also has that nice young man from ER, although he looks a lot scruffier in this show.

Mr. Noah "Scruffy" Wyle

Edna:  When I want a laugh, I'm going to watch Necessary Roughness on USA (Wednesday June 29 at 10PM EST). It's about a psychologist and a bunch of young football players in tight pants. That sounds like it might be up your alley, Margie.

Margie: Edna, I hope the skies fall on your big head. I'll watch those football players while you go to the psychologist.

Edna:  Margie, I think you're the one who needs a psychologist.  I just checked the interwebs and that Persons Unknown show you want to watch was on LAST summer, and it was canceled!  I swan, you're either off your meds or you've been tippling again.  

Margie:  Speaking of Necessary Roughness I think it's time for me to go oil my pistol.

The Today Show

Margie: Edna, I do love to watch the Today show with that Hoda and Kathie Lee. You know how I like shows that sharpen this old brain and keep me smart. For instance, did you know that Hoda is Egyptian? I think she was born in one of those pyramids. Like King Sut. Whatever his name is.

Edna: Oh good Lord, you mean King TUT, you ninny. Hoda and Kathie Lee would never have you on for an interview, you'd send their ratings into the toilet with your nonsense. But if you do go on their show, be sure and ask Hoda if she was born in a pyramid and see how fast you get escorted off the set.

Margie: Edna, it's not Hoda who worries me. She seems very sweet. It's Kathie Lee who scares me.

Did you know Kathie Lee is married to that football star Frank Gifford? Yes, Frank. We dated before Kathie Lee came along. If I tell that story then I suppose Kathie would call security. I could tell her some stories though. Do you think she'd like the one about strip football?

Edna: First of all, I can't believe that you expect our readers to believe that big whopper of a lie you just told. You dated Frank Gifford? Maybe in your imagination, you floozy.

But I'll tell you this, that Kathie Lee scares me too. She looks like she could snap at any minute, doesn't she? I used to watch her on her old show and I didn't like her much then, either.

Margie: That's the truth, Edna. Remember when Kathie Lee was on that show with Regis? You know he's the one who owns all those Regis banks.

There were times when I thought she was going to knock him in the floor. I bet she doesn't bank with him.

Edna: Good God a-mighty woman, It's REGIONS bank, not REGIS bank. I highly doubt that Mr. Regis Philbin owns that bank, or any other bank for that matter.

Be honest Margie, you say those kinds of things just to annoy me, don't you? No one can be that moronic.

Margie: Edna, I'll challenge you to see who is a moron. Kathie Lee was on that show called "Name That Tune." Let's go play and watch me beat you.

I can name that tune in 2 notes.

Edna: Well, I can name that moron in two syllables.

Margie: Edna, you can ruin anything I do believe.

M&E's TV Rant

Edna: Margie, I am plumb fed up, and for once it doesn't have anything to do with you.

Margie: In that case, Edna, tell me all about it. I'm all ears.

Edna: Thank you, Margie. I swan, I'm so upset about this, I think I might need a cup of special tea. Maybe two.

Those dang fool networks are at it again, they're canceling my favorite shows! First ABC decided that they weren't going to order any more episodes of Pushing Daisies (and we all know what that means). Then, NBC decided to get in on the act and they canceled My Own Worst Enemy. What's going to go next? Chuck? Fringe? Heaven forbid, Supernatural??

Margie, it's getting to the point that I don't even want to watch new shows any more. What's the point? I find something I like, and then the networks cancel it. It's all about the ratings and their advertisers, TV executives sure don't care about their real customers: the viewers.

Margie: I need special tea too because I agree with you and that's scary.

I mainly watch cable now and you should too. Cancel Supernatural? Edna, I'd make their life a living Hades. I'd put a voodoo curse on those idiots.

Maybe we should just rent some of those men movies. You know the ones.

Edna: Margie, you never cease to amaze me. And I don't mean that in a good way.

I think we'd better start looking up voodoo curses, because I have a feeling things on TV are going to get worse before they get better.

Margie: I'm with you, sister. How does The Margie and Edna Network sound?

Edna: Sounds good to me!