Fantasy Friday

Margie: Edna, look at this car. Mrs. Pastor always gives me this Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog so I can browse. You can buy me this car for my Christmas present. I'm going to drive to Hollywood and get in the movies.

Oh, before you tell me your usual lie about having no money? I called your bank's President. We dated in high school and he's never gotten over me. He said there's more than enough in your savings to buy this for me. Will that be cash or credit, sister?

Edna:  Margie, I was waiting for something like this to happen, you've no head for practicalities.  That money in the bank is earmarked for our funerals, not some razzle-dazzle sports car.  You can just go to your "boyfriend" if you need that kind of money, you're not getting it from me! 

Margie: Edna, you're such a dingbat! You can pay for my funeral by selling the car. How's that for practical?

The Today Show

Margie: Edna, I do love to watch the Today show with that Hoda and Kathie Lee. You know how I like shows that sharpen this old brain and keep me smart. For instance, did you know that Hoda is Egyptian? I think she was born in one of those pyramids. Like King Sut. Whatever his name is.

Edna: Oh good Lord, you mean King TUT, you ninny. Hoda and Kathie Lee would never have you on for an interview, you'd send their ratings into the toilet with your nonsense. But if you do go on their show, be sure and ask Hoda if she was born in a pyramid and see how fast you get escorted off the set.

Margie: Edna, it's not Hoda who worries me. She seems very sweet. It's Kathie Lee who scares me.

Did you know Kathie Lee is married to that football star Frank Gifford? Yes, Frank. We dated before Kathie Lee came along. If I tell that story then I suppose Kathie would call security. I could tell her some stories though. Do you think she'd like the one about strip football?

Edna: First of all, I can't believe that you expect our readers to believe that big whopper of a lie you just told. You dated Frank Gifford? Maybe in your imagination, you floozy.

But I'll tell you this, that Kathie Lee scares me too. She looks like she could snap at any minute, doesn't she? I used to watch her on her old show and I didn't like her much then, either.

Margie: That's the truth, Edna. Remember when Kathie Lee was on that show with Regis? You know he's the one who owns all those Regis banks.

There were times when I thought she was going to knock him in the floor. I bet she doesn't bank with him.

Edna: Good God a-mighty woman, It's REGIONS bank, not REGIS bank. I highly doubt that Mr. Regis Philbin owns that bank, or any other bank for that matter.

Be honest Margie, you say those kinds of things just to annoy me, don't you? No one can be that moronic.

Margie: Edna, I'll challenge you to see who is a moron. Kathie Lee was on that show called "Name That Tune." Let's go play and watch me beat you.

I can name that tune in 2 notes.

Edna: Well, I can name that moron in two syllables.

Margie: Edna, you can ruin anything I do believe.