We're back!

Margie: Edna, remember when we were girls and we'd go back to school after summer vacation? Teacher always asked everybody what they most enjoyed about their summer.

I'll tell you what I enjoyed most this summer. Your vacation! I had this place to myself and you didn't leave a mess because you weren't here. It was a most relaxing time. I love summer vacations because I don't have to go anywhere!

Edna: Margie, you can kiss my grits! I enjoy my vacation away from you, too. There's nobody telling tale tales in which they themselves are always the star, nobody crabbing about how the kitchen isn't clean (even when it's spotless), nobody I have to bail out of jail. My lands, one of these days I'm going to go on vacation and just not come back.

Margie: That would be the best summer ever. I like it when you're gone. I also like my new string bikini. So do the Margiedales. That Cousin T made me that mobile pool and we rode all over the place every day.

If you'd been here then all I'd have heard was your preaching about being a lady. I had good clean fun, you floozy.

Edna: Good clean fun and a string bikini do not go hand in hand, sister. And I heard all about your mobile pool from Mrs. Pastor, she was quite scandalized.

Margie, look here at what I brought back from my trip, it's one of those slow cookers. I'm looking forward to using it this fall for soups and stews. You know, back when we were girls, a "slow cooker" was someone who didn't get dinner on the table until 9PM.

Margie: Dingbat, I know what a slow cooker is. You've always been slow just like Granny Callahan. Lord a mercy, you eat so late that I'm in bed when the food gets done.

I found a new show to watch on TV while you were gone too. It's called "American Pickers" and I don't mean git-tars.

Edna: I've heard of that show; don't they go through other people's stuff and take things they want? Of course, unlike certain other people I could mention, they offer fair prices to the original owners.

I found a good TV show I liked this summer, too. It's called "The Good Guys" and it's a buddy cop show starring the son of that nice Tom Hanks and that guy from "The West Wing." Fox is bringing it back for the fall, so I guess they know a good thing when they see it.

Margie: Good for you. You best go buy yourself a TV before the new shows start. I've made my list of what I'm watching and I'm not going to listen to you yammer all the way through my shows.

Edna: No problem, Miss Bossy! I just happen to have found a few new blogs that I absolutely adore, and so I'll just make sure I'm busy reading them while you're watching your shows.

Vixen Vintage (This young lady has lovely taste in clothes.)
Hark, a Vagrant (I do so enjoy smart and funny comics and the people who create them.)

Edna: Well, I'll read them unless the Internet goes out. Then all bets are off.

Margie: When all bets go off then so will my pistol, sister.

Bathing beauties courtesy of the NYPL Digital Gallery

Our blogging vacation is almost over!

Margie and Edna will be back soon from their blogging vacation, so keep your eyes on this spot for new posts!

Summer blogging hiatus

Dear Readers,

Margie and Edna will be going on hiatus for the month of July. No need to panic, we'll be back in August! In the meantime, go enjoy the summer weather and all the activities that go along with it. We'll be thinking fondly of you all while we're gone, and we hope you do the same of us.

See you next month!

Love, Margie and Edna

Happy July 4th!

May you all have a fun and safe Independence Day!

Love, Margie and Edna

O Kind and Gentle Margie

Margie: Edna, I am so tired of bad news. People being shot or stabbed, teachers abusing students, wars, oil spills. I though times would get better but seems like people are getting meaner instead.

So, Edna, I have decided to be a kinder, gentler Margie. I'm going to show people how much better it is to be kind and gentle instead of mean and violent. What do you think?

Edna: You'll pardon me if I take a moment to ponder the ramifications of this life-changing decision.

Just how exactly are you going to show people how to be kind and gentle? What's your plan of action, O Kind and Gentle Margie?

Margie: Well, I'm going to be kind and gentle at home first then at church. You know the neighbors and relatives I never could stand? I'm going to do good deeds for them and I'm not even going to yell at you.

Peace and love to you, sister.

Edna: Why don't you tell me exactly what else you're going to do at home besides not yell at me? I think you should try your hardest to set a good example for me, so I can be as kind and gentle as you are.

Margie: You are so right, Edna. I'm going to show you how to wash dishes and do laundry and clean your room. I'm going to show you lots of smiles instead of frowns and I'm going to sing even if I feel like crying. Best of all, I'm going to show you how to catch a man.

Edna: You know what I think would work best? Showing by example. So you go ahead and show me how to do all those things, I'll sit right here with my iced tea and take notes. You can start with the breakfast dishes.

Margie: Edna, I'm going to be kind and not call you a moron then I'm going to be gentle by smacking you on the head with this fly swatter.

There's a time and place for kind and gentle but it's not now in this house. Run for your life!

Edna: Hmph. I knew that was too good to be true.

The fake birthday

Edna: Margie, come in here for a moment, I think you have some explaining to do.

Margie: What do you want? I'm resting. My tummy hurts.

Edna: I just bet it does, I saw the huge slice you took out of that chocolate cake I baked for the Ladies Auxiliary meeting tonight! But that's not what I want to ask you about. I want you to explain this big pile of presents on the front porch, all with your name on them. What kind of nonsense have you been up to now?

Margie: I didn't touch your cake. Presents? On the porch? Maybe Santa's memory is going and he brought my presents early. Let me open them and I'll figure it out.

Edna: You stop right there, I'm not done with you yet. First of all, you've got frosting on your face so I know you're lying about the cake. Second of all, are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me about how these presents got here?

Margie: I didn't lie, I didn't touch it. Not with my hands anyway.

Well, I did hear a rumor that one of the ladies insisted my birthday is tomorrow so they didn't believe me when I tried to tell them it's not.

Edna: Oh please. If you think I believe that you told them not to give you presents, then you need your head examined. You bamboozled those poor folks and let them think your birthday is tomorrow when you know darn well that's a lie. And I know for a fact that you handed out an itemized gift list to all the ladies in town. Mrs. Pastor showed me her copy when she came over earlier to drop off her present; you even signed it, you idiot!

Unless you want me to call Deputy Jimmy and have you arrested for extortion, you'll get on the phone right this minute and admit to everyone what you did.

Margie: I'll do no such thing. Unlike you, I'm not going to hurt their feelings. They wanted to give me presents so you tend to your own business.

Unless you'd like me to tell Mrs. Pastor about that night you spent in Reno.

Edna: Well, you just added slander to your list of chargeable offenses. Keep it up and they'll send you to the hoosegow for the rest of your natural-born days.

Besides, you can't prove anything about my visit to Reno, so you just mind your Ps and Qs.

Margie: Look at this smutty picture. I have copies. Presents for me or copies for the ladies????

Edna: You know as well as I do that pictures can be doctored, you lying liar! But I'm tired of arguing with you so let's make a deal: you get rid of those pictures and I'll let you keep one or two of those presents. Deal?

Margie: The deal is you give me that cake, I open all my presents, and you can have this picture. I'm off to get more cake. Toodles.


Clip art courtesy of DailyClipArt.net

Margie's Swimming Pool

Margie: Edna, I'm all set for summer. Look at the swimming pool Cousin T & his boss made for me. The Margiedales are out of nursing school for the summer so we'll be hanging in the pool.

I asked Meals On Wheels to deliver my food to the pool every day too. Guess what, Edna? I can even stay in the pool while one of the boys drives us to Grace's Market to buy Pepsi.

Edna: Lord in heaven, Margie! Just when I think you can't embarrass me more, you sink to new lows.

You mark my words right here and now: if you go driving down the street in that thing, I'm going to call Deputy Jimmy and report a moving violation. You and the Margiedales are in for a heap of trouble, sister.

Margie: Sister, the only moving violation in this town is your mouth!

Edna: Just don't you forget that we have decency laws around here, too. I'm not coming to bail you out of jail because you've been riding around town topless, you floozy.