Margie's Swimming Pool

Margie: Edna, I'm all set for summer. Look at the swimming pool Cousin T & his boss made for me. The Margiedales are out of nursing school for the summer so we'll be hanging in the pool.

I asked Meals On Wheels to deliver my food to the pool every day too. Guess what, Edna? I can even stay in the pool while one of the boys drives us to Grace's Market to buy Pepsi.

Edna: Lord in heaven, Margie! Just when I think you can't embarrass me more, you sink to new lows.

You mark my words right here and now: if you go driving down the street in that thing, I'm going to call Deputy Jimmy and report a moving violation. You and the Margiedales are in for a heap of trouble, sister.

Margie: Sister, the only moving violation in this town is your mouth!

Edna: Just don't you forget that we have decency laws around here, too. I'm not coming to bail you out of jail because you've been riding around town topless, you floozy.

Edna and Margie's Blog Of The Week

Margie: Edna, Deputy Jimmy came by today to show me his new flaptop computer. He showed me these funny pictures he found too.

Edna: Well wasn't that nice that he came to pay us a visit! I know he's been busy around town lately with all that revolution business, it was nice that he took the time out to drop by. Margie, he must have been sorely disappointed to have found only you at home.

And what was so funny about his pictures?

Margie: Go here, Edna, and see for yourself. Looks like friends of yours.

Margie: Lawsy me, Edna, that redneck bomb shelter would be perfect for us.How many people could we fit in there?

Edna: Margie, don't you even think about it.


Margie: Edna, this redneck divorce reminds me of my own. You're a hussy.

Edna: Margie, I have told you time and time again: it's not my fault that your husbands strayed. Or that they liked me more than they did you.


Edna: Margie, don't you have one of those redneck tank tops?

Margie: Yes, Edna, but mine doesn't come with the cup holder.


Edna: That redneck sports fan kind of reminds me of my first husband, God rest his hairy-backed soul.

Margie: God rest his soul is right. He has peace now and I'm left to suffer you alone.

Margie: Redneck Relatives

Dear Billie Jo,

Margie here. I hope you all are fine. We have our power back now so we're doing well. Edna hogs the TV which is nothing new.

Billie Jo, I'll thank you not to speak of my sister as a pistol ball. I have a pistol and she is the sword master.

I'm sure the Wal-Mart wedding was nice. Did everyone wear clothes? I'm sure you all did just fine without my Special Tea.

Give our regards to Alma Jean. Is it true she married a much older man? Will she be moving all 12 of her children in with them?

So John Jr. has joined the Army. Isn't he about 24 now? Did he finally get tired of 3rd grade?

The food sounds lovely. We do pride ourselves on the fine chickens we raise here. Be sure to tell Cousin Hershel hello when the hooch wears off.

We would love to have you all come visit but Edna and I have been planning a trip and we leave tomorrow. We will be gone for several years. I'll write you when we return.

Love,
Cousin Margie

Redneck Relatives

Mama was a refined, gracious lady but that did not exempt her from having kin that embarrassed her.

Cousin Billie Jo is the daughter of Mama's baby sister. Poor Mama always said she couldn't understand how such an uncouth brood existed.

Cousin Billie Jo married John Rayburn Brummitt who is a kindly man but a drunkard. Mama once asked Billie Jo if John Rayburn drank and Billie Jo said, "Only when he's thirsty."

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Margie: Edna, I got a letter from Cousin Billie Jo in Tennessee. You want to help me answer it?

Edna: Margie, you are welcome to answer that letter yourself if you have the time. Besides, I'm not speaking to Cousin Billie Jo since she called me wanting bail money, and then didn't even send a thank you note after it was wired!

Margie: Bail money? You never told me that!

Edna: What, you think I tell you everything? Just read the letter already, I don't have all day.
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Dear Cousin Margie,

This here's yor cousin billie jo. I got youn's letter t'day and wuz glad to hear from youn's. That Edna always was a pistol ball. Ain't she? I told all the folks bout her-whatcha said n all bout her and them there town fellas.

Wish y'all could come see us. Been a long while since we seed youn's. John Rayburn's been tending to the farm as aways. Always sumthin to do round this here place.

John jr. dun gone and signed up to go to the army. Said he's had enuff schooling. Alma Jean got herself hitched down to the walmark parking lot. them walmark folks is nice They said we could have the weddin'doings down there seein how alma jean works for em and all. she was perty and a good time was had by all. we did miss yor special tea tho, Margie.

After the weddin' seems like the whole town showed up for dinner. smoked a pig all night before and made turnip greens. that was some fine pot likker. Oh, the girls from the Sunday school pulled out all the stops. They brung ever kind of them casseroles you kin imagine. Tater salad and beet pickles, and one of them kilt and fried 12 chickens.

Cousin Hershel snuck in some hooch & we all said we thunk of you & cousin edna.

Hear's a pitcher of John rayburn, hershel, and john junior.

Rite me back, Margie, and tell Edna we may come see youn's & bring the whole busload of kin with us.

love,
billie jo