Edna's Fun Friday: ShamWow!

Edna: I have a confession to make, dear readers. I am utterly fascinated by infomercials. I don't know what it is about them, maybe it's the fact that everyone is so enthusiastic about their products. (Yes, yes, I know, they're paid to be enthusiastic, but I still find it endearing.) No matter how many times I've seen Mick and Mimi demonstrate the Magic Bullet to a kitchen full of pseudo-houseguests, I still stop and watch if I happen to catch it while channel surfing. I even watched poor Mr. T. hawk the FlavorWave oven. (Which, quite frankly, just seemed a little odd. They didn't even let him wear his gold necklaces.)

My newest fascinaton is with the ShamWow. My goodness, but does this look like a wonderful product or what? The oddly intense spokesman seems to think so, as he spills and wipes up various liquids and waxes rhapsodic about the absorbing power of one single ShamWow. You know, I think this thing would come in handy the next time I spill Margie's special tea. I could just whip out my ShamWow, soak up all of her drink, and squeeze it all back into her teacup with her being none-the-wiser.

But as with all of my favorite infomercials, I always wonder if the product is all it's cracked up to be. So tell me, have any of you tried the ShamWow? Do the Germans really know what they're doing when it comes to making synthetic shammies, or is this thing just an over-hyped piece of you-know-what?

The Winchester Mystery House

"Winchester Mystery House, Near San Jose Before the Earthquake"

Edna: I think I'm going to sue these folks over at The Winchester Mystery House website. I clicked on that link expecting that it was going to be all about my boys on that TV show, Supernatural. But I'll tell you what, there was not one picture of Sam or Dean Winchester to be found anywhere on that site!

I guess it was interesting and all, reading about that spooky mansion out there in California. I won't go into all the details here, but it was built up by the wife of William Winchester, the son of the man who owned the Winchester Repeating Arms Company. When he died in 1881, his wife Sarah inherited his fortune and a huge share in the gun company. Sarah Winchester, in her grief, spent the next 36 years continuously building a mish-mash of rooms and staircases. The place was like a labyrinth, and it's said that she consulted the spirits when making the building plans.

Today, the house itself (now four stories high after the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake, and numbering at approximately 160 rooms) is designated as a California Historical Landmark. There have been some reports of haunted happenings at the house, including footsteps, cold spots, and strange moving lights. To read more about the Winchester Mystery House, go here.

So what do you think Margie, should we have Cousin T pack up the car and head on out to San Jose and visit that place?

Margie: I'm all for that, Edna, but I'll be driving. Hold on and let me get my pistol, box of salt, and silver bullets.

I hope I don't shoot you by mistake, Edna. What a shame.

Edna: Just for that, I'm going to make you stay in the car while I take the guided tour. And I'm not going to buy you a souvenir shot glass at the gift shop either, you harpy. Cousin T, what souvenir would you like, dear?

Cousin T: A pair of earplugs.

Thought Screen Helmet

Margie: Come on, Cousin T and Edna, and eat breakfast because we have work to do. I have found just what we need to keep us safe in this crazy world. It's a thought screen helmet and we have to make our own. This helmet will stop aliens from abducting us.

I think we'll probably have to wear them 24 hours a day because we sure don't want to be abducted in our sleep. Edna, we'll call this our new church hat and we won't need to buy any more hats ever.

Cousin T, we'll buy the materials if you'll make the hats. Lawsy me, I feel safer already.

Cousin T: The thought screen helmet has made you feel safer simply by knowing it exists? Imagine what it might do for you if we made you one. I got nothing to do this afternoon.

I will say this, that gal sure don't look too traumatized for having been abducted for years. And that fella looks like he has a secret alright.

Edna: Did either of you notice this part? It says on that site that these helmets are only successful for abductions from full-blood aliens. It won't work against "alien-human hybrids." How do you suppose we'd know the difference between a full alien and a hybrid that's trying to blend into Earth society? Because I'll tell you what, I've seen plenty of suspicious folks around here in Jericho that just didn't seem quite right.

Cousin T, pick me up a pretty purple hat to go over my helmet. There's nothing that says you can't be fashionable and protected from alien abductions at the same time.

Strange things are afoot at the Toys 'R' Us

Johnny Johnson lived in Pennsylvania before coming west to California sometime in the mid-1800s. He died in Sunnyvale in 1884, bleeding to death after accidentally cutting his leg chopping wood. This occurred on the spot where the Sunnyvale, CA Toys ’R’ Us stands today. Strange things are said to happen in that Toys 'R' Us....

Read the rest of the legend here.

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Cousin T: The fact that Crazy Johnny haunts a Toys 'R' Us in Sunnyvale is more imagery than my poor brain can handle. Not to mention his beloved's name is Elizabeth Yuba Murphy Tafee…

I would like to drive into the parking lot around 3 AM and stake out this Spooks 'R' Us.

Margie: Cousin T, do you think I could go with you? There may be some ghosts of other gentlemen there because I was beloved by many gentlemen who have now passed on. I'm sure they haven't forgotten me.

Edna: Who do you two think you are, the Ghostbusters? My lands, I would expect this kind of hare-brained notion from Margie, but I thought you had more sense than that, Cousin T. Just what do you think would happen in that parking lot at 3AM? Besides, it sounds like that poor ghost is a mite lovelorn. Maybe you should just leave well enough alone.

Cousin T: I guess you're right. Ole Crazy Johnny might see the two of you lovely ladies and follow us home and we don't need no lanky ghost standing 'round the basement with his hands in his pockets nor knockin' over the special tea!

Fun Friday: Hoodie-Hoo

Margie: Friends, you all know how Edna insults me and hurts my feelings. She's always calling me names and being hateful. Well, here's how a good sister acts. I spent my own money and bought Edna a ticket to Jericho's Chocolate and Dessert Festival. It's true. I didn't swipe her credit card or take the money off her dresser.

All I ask in return is for Edna to do me one small favor. I want her to go outside at noon, wave her hands over her head, and shout, "Hoodie-Hoo." That's all.

Not only should that send winter away but Edna's screeching and her bird legs showing should drive the townfolks into laughter like they've never seen. Everybody in town will have a happy day.

By the way, Hoodie-Hoo Day is a copyrighted holiday.

Artisan Week: Heart's Desire

Margie: Edna, there's only one thing in this world that we have in common and that's a love of fine jewelry. None of that blue light special stuff for us.

I know I've found a blog you will love. It's called Heart's Desire. My stars, Edna, grab your checkbook. Even an old miser like you can't resist this fine jewelry.

This jewelry is unique, refined, and is not mass produced. I especially love this piece called "Ripples on the Floor of a Reflecting Pool". Order it for me, skinflint.

Margie: How do you like this blog, Edna?

Edna: Margie, if you want me to buy you something, you're going to have to be a whole lot nicer than that, you harpy.

You're right about this jewelry, though, it certainly is gorgeous and right up our alley. I think I like this piece the best, it would look lovely on my wrist.

Ametrine Twisted Treasure

Edna: I'll tell you what, Margie. You go ask the federal government for a bailout, and then we'll go on a shopping spree. We'll start here first. What do you think?

Margie: Edna, I think you're a nitwit. Just write that check.

Artisan Week: Steampunk Rings

Edna: I must confess, I love looking at and wearing interesting jewelry. And I am jealous of people who are talented enough to design and make their own jewelry. Today's artisan blog is one of those blogs that makes me very jealous indeed.

Steam Powered Rings has the most unique jewelry I've ever seen. The industrial-themed jewelry is so fascinating to me, and it's all remarkably beautiful. Before I came across their blog, I'd never seen anything like it. Some of my favorite pieces use clock gears, like the one below:

Edna: Margie, what do you think?

Margie: I think you'll be shocked when I tell you that I agree with every word you just said. I think this jewelry is incredible.

Edna: Well, color me speechless, folks! Catherinette must weave some magic into her jewelry, because you all know that Margie and I almost never agree on anything. I just knew that jewelry was something special.