The Best Kisser

Margie: Edna, we are going to have a pleasant evening so come in the parlor and let's have a nice cordial.

Listen to the rain on our tin roof. Isn't that nice? Let's talk.

Edna: You know it makes me nervous when you're this sweet and considerate, Margie. Just tell me who died, I can take it.

Margie: Edna, you can be so silly. Nobody died. I wanted us to discuss some happy memories.

For example, do you remember your first boyfriend? Weren't you about 7?

Edna: Hmph, that's not a very happy memory for me, considering you stole him from me. You always were into younger men, you big floozy.

Margie: Now now, sister. Let's be pleasant here. I know a memory that will be nice for you.

Who was the best kisser out of all the gentlemen you ever kissed? Tell the truth, Edna.

Edna: You'll have to pardon me, sister, it's just so unlike you to be pleasant. I'm a mite taken aback.

The best kisser out of all the gentlemen? Since there have been so few, what with me being a lady and all, it's not hard to pick one. That would have to be Stanley Richmond's grandpa, Mortimer. My stars, but that man could kiss! We had some good times up in the hayloft when we were both a whole lot younger.

Margie: Edna, you're a lying liar! No lady would have been in the hayloft with Mortimer. Besides, Daddy used to say he was going to lock you in your room if you didn't stop bringing so many boyfriends home.

You just won't let anybody have a pleasant time, Edna. You're a floozy! And, besides, you just took away my story of the best kisser I ever knew! I'll just go to bed!

Edna: See, folks? I knew she'd crack eventually.

We Remember Elvis

Margie: Edna, remember back in the 1970's when we went to that Elvis concert? I nearly wet my pants when he walked out on stage. I cried so hard just because my dream had always been to see him in person.

Remember how he kept winking at me?

Edna: Of course I remember that. But Margie, I said it then and I'll say it now: Elvis was not winking at you! Not only were there thousands of other people at that concert, but the poor man was blinking because sweat kept getting in his eyes. My lands, your ability to re-write history is astounding.

What I remember most is how lovely his voice sounded live. Not like today's yodelers who don't sound good live unless their voices have been filtered electronically. Oh, but that man could croon a love song!

Margie: Edna, do you ever take responsibility for your cruel actions? You've left out the fact that Elvis sent one of his Memphis Mafia over to me after the concert. Elvis invited me backstage so he was winking at me.

You're just a toad-faced jealous hussy. I don't suppose you remember what I told you later that night?

Edna: What, that you wished that I hadn't stopped you from throwing your unmentionables up on stage? I remember that, all right.

Margie: That's just part of what you did that night and I will never forgive you. I was about to go with that nice Mafia man to meet Elvis then you started screaming for a security guard.

There I stood holding my drawers and you screaming that I was a pervert who was going to attack Elvis. I'll never forgive you, hussy. You best keep watching your back. My day will come.

In Remembrance

Happy Valentine's Day