Ice Cold Margie

Margie: I don't know about you all but I'm a cold old lady. Lawsy me, the weather is just frightful.

I'm sitting by the fire in the parlor and having a nice cordial and I think I'll look at some pictures to see if they can warm my bones. Come look with me and stay warm.

The Best Kisser

Margie: Edna, we are going to have a pleasant evening so come in the parlor and let's have a nice cordial.

Listen to the rain on our tin roof. Isn't that nice? Let's talk.

Edna: You know it makes me nervous when you're this sweet and considerate, Margie. Just tell me who died, I can take it.

Margie: Edna, you can be so silly. Nobody died. I wanted us to discuss some happy memories.

For example, do you remember your first boyfriend? Weren't you about 7?

Edna: Hmph, that's not a very happy memory for me, considering you stole him from me. You always were into younger men, you big floozy.

Margie: Now now, sister. Let's be pleasant here. I know a memory that will be nice for you.

Who was the best kisser out of all the gentlemen you ever kissed? Tell the truth, Edna.

Edna: You'll have to pardon me, sister, it's just so unlike you to be pleasant. I'm a mite taken aback.

The best kisser out of all the gentlemen? Since there have been so few, what with me being a lady and all, it's not hard to pick one. That would have to be Stanley Richmond's grandpa, Mortimer. My stars, but that man could kiss! We had some good times up in the hayloft when we were both a whole lot younger.

Margie: Edna, you're a lying liar! No lady would have been in the hayloft with Mortimer. Besides, Daddy used to say he was going to lock you in your room if you didn't stop bringing so many boyfriends home.

You just won't let anybody have a pleasant time, Edna. You're a floozy! And, besides, you just took away my story of the best kisser I ever knew! I'll just go to bed!

Edna: See, folks? I knew she'd crack eventually.

Margie and Edna make up

Margie: Edna, I want to come home. I'm scared in this basement. Cousin T went home because he said you'd get that old strop after him if he didn't.

Edna: Oh good Lord, I should have known that's where you'd be hiding. You big sissy, come on upstairs. As for Cousin T, well...he's right to be scared, although I do appreciate the mighty fine workmanship in my new bedroom. Even if I didn't ask for a renovation.

Margie: Edna, I've learned my lesson. No more locking men in this old basement. Well, not unless I'm with them anyway.

Edna: I'd say you've only learned half your lesson, but I suppose beggars can't be choosers. Why don't you come on up and we can set a spell out on the porch and have an elderberry cordial.

Margie: Edna, that's a lovely idea. You won't poison mine, will you?

Edna: Oh, for heaven's sake, you're so paranoid! There's no poison, I promise--I may not always like you but you are my sister. Let's wipe the slate clean and start all over now that I'm back. What do you say?

Margie: Edna, does that mean you'll call Deputy Jimmy & take back what you said? I guess we can start over if you'll quit scaring Cousin T. He means well.

Edna: I know the poor boy means well, it's not his fault that once he gets into the special tea he loses all sense of reason. I'll bake him a cake to apologize for scaring him.

As for Deputy Jimmy, I'll have a talk with him too and see what I can do. But you are officially on warning. No more rifling through my belongings like they were yours anymore, you hear me? I'll not stand for it.

Margie: Edna, you're acting a bit strange. What really happened in Florida with those Biddys? You know I can take care of them if they did something to you.

Okay, Edna, I won't bother your things anymore. You know that special tea just makes me confused.

Edna: I’m going to overlook the fact that you’re saying it’s strange that I’m acting nice. Nothing happened with the Biddys, besides them getting on my nerves, and I thank you for offering to “take care of them” for me.

As for the special tea, well…everything in moderation, just like Mama used to say.

Margie: Edna, we need to be clear. You just don't seem yourself. I think those Biddy's unnerved you more than you're willing to admit. I'd like to shoot those Biddy teeth right out of Itty's head.

Oh honey, I moderate my special tea by the gallon.

Edna: Margie, let's just put it this way: some things happened in Florida that no one would believe, least of all you. I don't know how much more I can say without it affecting the outcome of the criminal trial. Dangit Margie, now I've said too much, are you happy??

Margie: Edna, I shall say no more. When you're ready to talk about it I'll be glad to listen. There are things in life that are best kept to oneself. Wouldn't you agree?

Edna: I surely do agree, and I’m glad you see it that way. Now, let’s go have that elderberry cordial and you can help me decide what kind of cake to bake for Cousin T.