Margie: The Hero

Margie: Edna, you should be proud of your sister. I haven't told you this story before now because I don't like the spotlight and I certainly don't brag on myself.

Anderson Cooper called me today and wants me to be one of his heroes on CNN. Take that, sister.

Edna: Margie, the day you don't like the spotlight is the day I put on an ugly hat and start calling myself the Queen of England. Just what is it that you think you'll be talking about on CNN, pray tell?

Margie: Remember Diamond Dennis and Don Wan who drove Betty Lou and me home from Vegas? Well, I knew something wasn't right about them and guess what?

Deputy Jimmy arrested them as we were getting out of the car. I knew they were just looking for pretty women like me to scam so I turned them in.

Edna: I knew you'd get into some kind of trouble on that trip! So riddle me this, sister: if you knew they were trouble, why did you let them squire you around Vegas that whole time?

Margie: Say what? Oh, I understand now. I didn't want to make them suspicious, Edna, or they might have high-tailed it.

Edna: Hmm, I believe that like I believe you're the one who turned them in. Here's what I think, you didn't know a thing about any of it until Deputy Jimmy showed up to arrest those two. Knowing you, you had to save face so you concocted this ridiculous story about knowing all along and being a hero on CNN.

Margie, prevaricating is so unladylike.

Margie: Well, I'm not the one who pre-variates, loon.

Edna: That's it, I'm buying you a hearing aid battery for Christmas this year. Every time I have a conversation like this with you, it's time I won't ever get back. I am getting too ding-dang old to put up with your nonsense, sister.

Margie Loves Vegas

Dear Edna,

Having a great time here. Glad you aren't here.

Last night Betty Lou and I took our Ziploc bags to the buffet and borrowed enough cookies and desserts to last for days. Next, we wandered around the poker tables. Edna, the gentlemen here are so friendly. They'd give us chips and point out other tables where we could go play. We'd go to the next table and the same thing would happen. Wasn't that nice?

I cashed in some chips and went to the bar. I told the bartender I'd like a nice orange drink. He made me two of them, I think, but all I know is that I came to in Elvis' lap. Well, I don't think he was really Elvis because he had so many muscles. Hmm...

Edna, I met some showgirls and they basically adopted me. They begged me to be in their show so I gave in and they did one of those extreme makeovers on me. Can you guess which showgirl I am in this picture?

Here's where I'm going tonight. I'm so excited that my bloomers are all a flutter. You should see all the dollar bills in my purse. I'll be stuffing them...well, you know. When this show is over they'll all be calling me Margie the Manhandler.

Oh, we found a ride home. Diamond Dennis and his cousin, Don Wan, offered to bring us. Here's a picture of their car so you'll recognize us when we get home.

Gotta run, Edna. Betty Lou and I are going to walk down to some of the chapels to watch some weddings. I'll get you a souvenir.

Your sister,
Margie


Edna: Good God a'mighty. Folks, all I can say is better Betty Lou than me.

Viva Las Vegas

Margie: Edna, get in here. I've got big news. Betty Lou just called and said she's won a trip for 2 to Las Vegas. She's invited me to go with her.

I'm making a list of things you need to do while I'm gone. I can't trust you to take care of things unless I make you a list.

Edna: Oh happy day, she'll be out of my hair and in a whole other state for---wait, how long are you going to be gone?

And if I weren't such a lady, I would tell you what to do with your list.

Margie: Edna, if I wasn't a lady, I'd chain you to your bed while I'm gone.

Don't you worry about how long I'll be gone. You just know I can return at any time so you behave yourself. Here's your list.

Edna: Margie, you can just take that ding-dang list with you to Vegas, I sure won't be looking at it. I'll run the house how I see fit while you're gone, and if you don't like it then nuts to you.

I wonder if I should call Betty Lou and warn her that she's picked a harpy for a traveling companion?

Margie: Edna, you do that. I won't feel bad then about not sharing any of my winnings.

Deal or no deal?

Edna: Margie, if you bring home any winnings I will eat my Sunday bonnet. Knowing you, anything you do win will be spent on tips at one of those beefcake reviews.

But listen up, sister: if I catch wind of you going behind my back and using any of MY money on this trip into the den of iniquity, you will not be allowed back in this house. You hear me?

Margie: What did you say about beefcake reviews?

Edna: Oh, good Lord. You go pack, I'm going to go warn--er, call Betty Lou.

We Remember Elvis

Margie: Edna, remember back in the 1970's when we went to that Elvis concert? I nearly wet my pants when he walked out on stage. I cried so hard just because my dream had always been to see him in person.

Remember how he kept winking at me?

Edna: Of course I remember that. But Margie, I said it then and I'll say it now: Elvis was not winking at you! Not only were there thousands of other people at that concert, but the poor man was blinking because sweat kept getting in his eyes. My lands, your ability to re-write history is astounding.

What I remember most is how lovely his voice sounded live. Not like today's yodelers who don't sound good live unless their voices have been filtered electronically. Oh, but that man could croon a love song!

Margie: Edna, do you ever take responsibility for your cruel actions? You've left out the fact that Elvis sent one of his Memphis Mafia over to me after the concert. Elvis invited me backstage so he was winking at me.

You're just a toad-faced jealous hussy. I don't suppose you remember what I told you later that night?

Edna: What, that you wished that I hadn't stopped you from throwing your unmentionables up on stage? I remember that, all right.

Margie: That's just part of what you did that night and I will never forgive you. I was about to go with that nice Mafia man to meet Elvis then you started screaming for a security guard.

There I stood holding my drawers and you screaming that I was a pervert who was going to attack Elvis. I'll never forgive you, hussy. You best keep watching your back. My day will come.

June's Top Droppers

Thank you to everyone who visited us in June!


The Journeys of Cactus Jack Splash


Coming Back To Life


Free Stuff In Las Vegas Baby


Chicago History Journal


The Screaming Me Me


Beethoven Midi


Things About Computer


Cinnamon Spice and Everything Nice


Split Rock Ranch

Fun Friday

Margie: I thought I'd share something special with you today. It's something Edna missed out on and I'm grateful for that.

Yes, I met a Playgirl centerfold named Jim Cavaretta. This was way back in the 60's but who cares? You know he made an impression on me since I can still see him and that picture in my memory!

If you ever have a chance to see that issue then you should take it. He made a fine nekkid picture!!

I should also add that he and his sisters were delightful and I appreciate the amount of time they spent with me. Nice folks.