Why?

Margie: Edna, you always brag about how smart you are and how you could have joined MENSA. Here's your chance to prove it. I'm going to ask you two questions. Let's see just how smart you are.

Here's the first one, nitwit. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Edna: Good Lord, Margie, why are you asking me these questions before I've even had my Geritol? Fine, if you absolutely must have an answer, then I'd say they get into those enclosed light fixtures by sheer determination alone. Or maybe they're suicidal, how the heck should I know?

Margie: Lying liar. I knew you wouldn't know. Look at this everybody- Edna lies about how she could be in MENSA. I think I'll call them and tell them you're making them look back.

Do you want one more chance to answer a question before I dub you the Eternal Nitwit?

Edna: What I want is an apology, you cabbage head. Go ahead and ask your second question, but I reserve the right to refuse to answer.

Margie: Question two for the fruit loop coming up.

Edna, why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Edna: That's an easy one, it's because it would get tangled up in the vines as he swung from tree to tree. Who's the fruit loop now, you old crow?

Margie: Lord a mercy, Edna, you're dumb as a stump. I suppose you think he went to Wal-Mart of the jungle and bought razors?

Edna: I'm not the one sitting around all day thinking up these idiot questions. Kiss my grits, you moron.

Make Your Own Holiday Day

Margie: My word, Edna, look at this.

"Today is your day to skip all of the red tape, bypass all of the effort, and create a special day of any kind. Simply declare your special day on Make Your Own Holiday Day!"

I, Margie, do hereby proclaim this day as Be Kind To Margie Day. Edna, could you get me a cup of coffee and some cookies? Oh, and a nice blanket to put over my knees too.

Edna: Pfff, just because YOU say it's a holiday doesn't mean I have to abide by it. You can just be kind to yourself.

Now, I like the sound of Eat Nothing But Chocolate Day. Whooee, there's a holiday I can get behind!

Margie: Edna, that's a holiday that will make your behind bigger. Maybe we should make a holiday that doesn't revolve around food.

How about Ogle A Muscular Man Day?

Edna: Margie, that's the first sensible thing you've said all day! You go round up some liquid refreshment and I'll go round up the muscular men, and we'll make a day of it. Sound good?

Margie: Sister, maybe you could join Mensa with that idea! I'll get the refreshments.

Edna: You know, maybe we'd better extend the holiday until tomorrow, in case I don't make it back by tonight with the muscular men. Don't wait up for me, Margie.

Margie: Floozy.

"Charles Atlas and Admirers-1924"
Photo courtesy of The New York Times Photo Archives