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Margie: That's just rude and tacky. Edna, I think those are the same men who answer their cell phones and talk so loud that everybody within a mile knows all their business.
Edna: I just hope they don't do that in front of their mamas, but it's bad enough they do it in our earshot. And whatever happened to a gentleman standing up whenever a lady enters the room?
It makes me sad to think that the standard for good manners has gotten so lax. Time was, you could count on folks knowing how to handle themselves around other folks, but not anymore.
Margie: Edna, I think the mamas are letting these men be lax. Not only does a gentleman not stand anymore, Edna, but they almost knock you down to get in the store in front of you.
I'll tell you what could cure these bad manners- a hickory switch on the rear.
Edna: I think you're right, sister. I say we take a hickory switch along with us the next time we go out to eat and dole out a little rough justice on some folks. What do you think?
Margie: I'm all for that, sister.
Edna: Margie, I was up in the attic and I found this old etiquette book of Mama's. I think there are some passages in here that our readers might find useful. Let me blow the dust off and give it a look-see.Here's one for you, Margie! "Flirtation: The coquette should remember that, with every successive flirtation, one charm after another disappears, like the petals from a fading rose, until all the deliciousness of a fresh and pure character is lost." You'd better pay attention, you old hussy.Margie: Edna, you lie. Not only have you never understood the art of flirting, but your character was lost when you turned 16.Edna: We’re not going to get into a contest of who has the better character, because you know I’d win, you reprobate. Listen to this one: "Etiquette of the Street: A gentleman should always offer his arm to a lady in the evening. In the day this is only in order in case of the pavement being slippery, there being a crowd, or the lady being old or needing support. If there are two ladies, he should offer his arm to one, and let the other walk beside her."Margie: So that's why all the gentlemen offer me their arm and you walk beside us. Interesting.Edna: Margie, I only walk beside you because I don’t want to even touch the man that would offer you his arm. They usually have hygiene issues.Oh, this one is my favorite: "How to Grow Old Gracefully: A charming old lady revealed the secret of her fair and rosy complexion to a group of young women as follows: “Late hours,” said she, “and oversleeping ruin the complexion. Go to bed early, arise early, and you will grow old slowly, and retain your good looks to an advanced age. If, however, your position forces you into society and you are obliged to be up late at night, sleep an hour every afternoon. Before going to bed take a hot bath and remain in the water only a few moments. Then drink a cup of bouillon, and a small glass of Malaga wine. Sleep will soon follow, and last until the natural time of awakening, which is about ten o’clock in the morning under these circumstances. Take a cold plunge or sponge bath, a light breakfast of café au lait, and bread without any butter.” She continued: “Out-of-door exercise is an absolute necessity, but must not be carried to excess. A daily walk is excellent and it is scarcely necessary to say that whole days of lawn tennis, croquet, etc., are not favorable to the complexion.”Margie: Edna, I told you to stay out of my diary, you old fool.Edna: Margie, the day anyone describes YOU as having grown old gracefully is the day I eat my hat.Excerpts from: The Home Library of Entertainment, Instruction, and Amusement, by Thomas Sheppard Meek. Published 1902.
