Foolish Friday

Margie: Edna, stand back! I'm mad enough to spit! You know how mad I get when I go grocery shopping and prices have gone up. Well, that's happening more often plus the size of things is decreasing too. These corporations are greedy and have lost sight of what customer service is all about.

Well, Hershey's takes the prize for scamming chocolate lovers. Have you seen their new Hershey Air Delight Kisses? Edna, they're trying to sell air to us. Who do they think they are? What's next, sister, Air Soda? Turn up the bottle and suck it in.Calorie free.

Edna:  Good Lord, that has to be the most durn-fool thing I've ever heard of.  They've replaced some of the chocolate with air and they expect us to be excited about it? Just how stupid do these big companies think we are, anyway??  Hershey, I'm ashamed of you, and I think Mr. Milton Hershey would be ashamed of you too.  And what really gets my goat is you just know those new airy Kisses won't be any cheaper because they have less chocolate.  Instead, I bet they'll want us to pay more just for the honor of having air bubbles in the middle of our candy Kisses.

My lands, I think I'd best go lay down, thinking about this foolishness has given me a megrim.  Margie, go fetch me some of that new Air Tylenol, please.

Margie: Forget the Air Tylenol. I wonder if I can sell you because you're an Air Head??

Margie and Edna do some kissing up

Edna: Margie, I know we've written posts in the past talking about some of our favorite products, with the hopes that the companies might send us free stuff. But those posts have been kind of a bust, so I have an idea that might get those big corporation's attention.

Margie: Maybe we could make up a recipe. These companies like to see their products in a recipe.

How about Hershey's Chocolate Butterfinger Godiva See's Cake?

Edna: I'd for sure eat that cake! I can see that you've guessed my idea: make as many mentions of products that we can in a short blog post.

You know, I was thinking that the companies might like to know that I often sit in front of my Dell computer drinking Dr. Pepper, eating Mint Oreos and talking on my Nokia cell phone. All while listening to my iPod and using Bath and Body Works' Coconut Lime Verbena body lotion while I try to find something good to watch on my LG Flat-Panel LCD HDTV.

Margie: I like that one, sister. Maybe Neutrogena would like to know that I take them with me in the shower after I've eaten Little Debbie cakes and had a glass of Meadow Gold milk. After my shower I brush the chocolate away with Crest and Listerine. Then I rub my young looking body with Oil of Olay lotion which makes me look fabulous.

I then crawl into my bed of Martha Stewart sheets and read an Amazon.com book.

Edna: You know, nothing would make me sleep better at night than a Sealy Posturepedic mattress. Too bad I don't have one, which is why I take Advil Liqui-Gels for my bad back. Of course, a slice of your Hershey's Chocolate Butterfinger Godiva See's Cake might heal up my back right quick!

Margie: I'm on my way to the kitchen, sister. Just call me Betty Crocker!

M&E try healthy eating

Edna: Margie, there's a lot of talk on the news these days about healthy eating. Do you suppose we should think about improving our diet? You tend to cook with an awful lot of lard, and I've never met a chocolate bar I didn't like. Maybe we should make some changes in what we eat.

Margie: I suppose we could try, Edna, but cooking without lard? I'm not sure I'd know how.

You've never met chocolate anything you didn't like, Edna. Remember when you ate those five Hershey bars even while Mama was telling you that you'd be sick? You were sick for two days.

Edna: Now, why do you have to bring up ancient history like that? I haven't gorged on chocolate in nigh-on 75 years, you moron. These days, I limit my chocolate eating to one bar per day, thank you very much.

You know, I've been hearing a lot about tofu, we could try that. Or maybe we could start eating alfalfa sprouts and drinking wheatgrass juice. I hear that it's very "cleansing."

Margie: Lying liar. I know better. You just let me see you with one bar a day.

Wheatgrass juice? That sounds like something horses eat. No way. I don't think I need cleansing, sister, since I take my Ex-Lax every day.

You try it first and I'll see if you survive.

Edna: On second thought, maybe we're too old to be changing our eating habits now. Perhaps we'd best leave healthy eating to the young folks. What do you think?

Margie: Amen, sister. Let's enjoy the years we have left.

Pass me a Hershey's bar.