National Nutrition Month

 

Margie: I see where March is National Nutrition Month. I'd like to know why, sister, nutrition is connected to eating right when we know how to eat right and that doesn't mean lettuce, yogurt, coo-coos, or humm-whos. I eat like mama taught us and that's why I'm still alive and kicking. Most food is nasty these days. Give me back my trans fat! Fry my taters in lard! Make my tea with a lot of sugar! Edna, I've made myself hungry and thirsty. Let's go to Aldi's and save some money!

Edna:  Good God a-mighty, woman!  You know as well as I do that if you eat like that and you're still healthy, it's only because you have good genes.  Most people need to be really careful about their food choices. What about Great-Uncle Walter who ate pig's feet for every meal and was dead of a heart attack at 39?  Sometimes I think people go overboard with what's good nutrition and what's not, but that doesn't mean you should just give up.

You go make that shopping list for Aldi.  You may not want any lettuce but I do, so be sure that we get some of that tasty artisan lettuce they have.  I never in my life thought I'd be eating purple lettuce, but it sure is tasty!  Especially with a little bleu cheese dressing.

Margie: Poor Uncle Walter. Remember how he loved those pickled eggs?

I do love that lettuce and they have strawberries on sale too. We could make a Strawberry Shortcake. You could make us some chili too but leave the beans out if you're planning to watch that movie with me tonight!

I'm sure glad Aldi lets us afford good food.

Edna:  If I'm making the chili then it's going to have lots of beans in it.  The doctor said you need to increase your fiber intake, you know.

I love that Aldi store, I'm so glad Mrs. Pastor told Cousin T about it.  There is no shame in being frugal, sister; you'd do well to apply that concept to the rest of your life.  I'm not paying for those new shoes you bought online last week, you know.

Margie: Fine, sister, then I'll provide the music for the movie.

People don't know how Aldi can save them money. Their store brand is better than some name brands and I'm sick of corporate greed.

Fine. I'll wear your shoes.

Edna:  You can wear my shoes if you do all the shopping for our healthy food for all of National Nutrition month.  Deal?

Margie: I don't know, sister. Do I have to pay for the food?

Edna:  Of course, idjit.

Eat your veggies!

Margie: Edna, today is Eat Your Vegetables Day so we're going to try something new. I'm going to make us a vegetable lunch and dinner. You can even use some of my unsalted butter on them. Edna, don't argue. At our age we could use a little extra health. Edna: I'm not going to argue, I like vegetables. What are you going to cook for us? Margie: Fresh tomatoes, squash, corn, watermelon, and chocolate cake. I'm getting hungry. Edna: Margie, the last time I checked, chocolate cake was not a vegetable. Margie: Well, it is now because I put vegetable oil in it. That's healthy. Edna: I've heard that some people put pureed spinach in chocolate cake to make it healthy and trick their children into eating vegetables. That would certainly make the cake healthier, but I still reserve the right to put homemade chocolate frosting on it. We can't totally lose our heads over this "healthy eating" kick the doctor has you on.

Margie: I won't be having any spinach, sister, but you feel free to whip up that homemade frosting.

Image property of Rosemary Ratcliff, courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

M&E try healthy eating

Edna: Margie, there's a lot of talk on the news these days about healthy eating. Do you suppose we should think about improving our diet? You tend to cook with an awful lot of lard, and I've never met a chocolate bar I didn't like. Maybe we should make some changes in what we eat.

Margie: I suppose we could try, Edna, but cooking without lard? I'm not sure I'd know how.

You've never met chocolate anything you didn't like, Edna. Remember when you ate those five Hershey bars even while Mama was telling you that you'd be sick? You were sick for two days.

Edna: Now, why do you have to bring up ancient history like that? I haven't gorged on chocolate in nigh-on 75 years, you moron. These days, I limit my chocolate eating to one bar per day, thank you very much.

You know, I've been hearing a lot about tofu, we could try that. Or maybe we could start eating alfalfa sprouts and drinking wheatgrass juice. I hear that it's very "cleansing."

Margie: Lying liar. I know better. You just let me see you with one bar a day.

Wheatgrass juice? That sounds like something horses eat. No way. I don't think I need cleansing, sister, since I take my Ex-Lax every day.

You try it first and I'll see if you survive.

Edna: On second thought, maybe we're too old to be changing our eating habits now. Perhaps we'd best leave healthy eating to the young folks. What do you think?

Margie: Amen, sister. Let's enjoy the years we have left.

Pass me a Hershey's bar.