Snow!

Party People

Margie: Edna, did you know that some people enjoy getting together with friends during the holidays? There hasn't been any fun in this morgue since you moved in. I've got a good punch recipe that I want to share with my friends since you won't let me have a party.

Friends, you must try this Promegranate Champagne Punch. I do suggest that you double the champagne for a little extra kick.

Edna:  Who said I won't let you have a party?  You're welcome to celebrate all you want as long as you clean up after yourself.  The problem with you is that you want all the fun but you don't want to handle the mess afterwards.  You go have your party, but you can have it in the barn.  In the meantime, I'll have a party of one with some of this:  Alchemist Punch:  Hooee, that'll get the party started!

Margie: Said the pot to the kettle. You'll be on your vacation, half -wit, so I'll be partying in the house. What you don't know has never hurt you.

Edna, you drink that punch and you'll be out for days.

Edna: If I have to listen to you yammer for even one second more, then I want to be knocked out for days. And what makes you think I don't know about your parties?  Who do you think found your girdle in the pantry last week?  I don't even want to know what that was about.

Margie: Sister, you may be a fruit loop but you can sure give me a good laugh sometimes. You were always jealous of me.

Edna:  I am never jealous of anyone who isn't smart enough to keep track of their undergarments.

The mailman's Gift

Margie: Edna, I've been studying on what we can give Mr. Mailman for Christmas. I don't think we should give him another Jack Daniels' fruitcake like we did last year though. We didn't see him for 4 days after he took that thing home.

I'm thinking of giving him something that all men want but few get and that's my picture with a nice note attached. I only have a few left but he deserves one. What do you think, sister?

Edna:  As usual, I think you're an idiot, and a paper-waster to boot.  You know he's going to throw your picture in the trash the first chance he gets.  Why don't we get him something useful?  The post office has a list of acceptable gifts for mailmen, and soda is on the list.  Why don't we give him some of your Orange Crisp soda for Christmas?

Margie: Edna, you're a moron and I don't like morons! Why don't we give him that big box of See's candy that you hid under your bed? It hasn't been opened because you're so dang stingy that you're waiting until I go to the beauty parlor. Guess what, sister, I'm going to start doing my hair at home! Idjit!

Edna:  Well, now you're just being mean.  All right then, why don't you dip into your pin money and buy the man a gift card.  The post office says you can do that as long as it's not more than $20.  I think you can afford that, you grinch.

Margie: Why is he my mailman all of a sudden? You get mail too. Well, I suppose bills count as mail. You should try to be more frugal, sister. As for any pin money I may or not have? It's none of your business.

I'll just give him a jug of Special tea then he won't remember if we gave him a gift or not.

Edna:  Even though apparently the post office frowns on giving liquor to your mailman (those party poopers!)  I think that might be the smartest thing you've said so far.  Although, that's not saying much since you consistently set the bar pretty low.

Margie: Edna, how would you like a bar upside your ugly head?

Festive Friday

Margie: I do so love a sweet voiced man!

Edna's Christmas Wish

Edna:  Margie, I've found what you can get me for Christmas.  Macy's is having a one-day sale today, too, so you won't even have to pay full price!  Isn't that wonderful?

Margie: Edna, you've finally lost your marbles. You think I'm getting you a gift after you treated me so badly when I asked for a maid? You can buy your own gift, idjit. What nerve!

Edna:  I should have guessed as much.  Besides, you'd never spend that kind of money on someone else.  You're such a Scrooge, Margie!  

Well, that's okay.  That just means I don't have to give you a gift at all this year if you're going to be such a sorehead about everything.

Margie: See how childish you are, sister? Mama said it's better to give than receive but all you care about is what you get.  You're the Scrooge.

I'm not even going to put up a tree this year because you don't deserve it.

Edna:  Hmph, like that's such a hardship!  You know I'm the one who always ends up vacuuming up the pine needles so no one steps on them.  I swan, those things are like daggers if you're in your bare feet.

You know what, Margie?  You sure don't deserve a Christmas present but plenty of other people do.  I'm going to donate my money to a worthy charity instead of buying something for you.  At least they'll be grateful, unlike a certain selfish hag I know.

Margie: I wouldn't mind having a dagger right about now.

What charity would that be, dear? Your Alcoholics Anonymous group?

Edna:  How anyone can be so hateful and spiteful this time of year is simply beyond me.

Margie's Christmas Wish

Margie: Edna, you leave me alone every Christmas while you take a dumb vacation. I'm happy you go but I resent being stuck here with all the chores. I deserve some help while you're gone so here's what you can give me for Christmas this year.


Edna:  Margie, what on Earth makes you think you even deserve a Christmas present?  The way you've treated me and the rest of the town all year, you'll be lucky if anyone gives you a gift.  It figures you'd want something like one of those scantily-clad male maids, you're such a floozy.

Margie: Edna, would you rather give me a present or had you rather spend your vacation wondering if I'm in your room or throwing out all your old Tupperware? Oh, that does sound like fun.

Edna:  Margie, I'm padlocking my bedroom door and windows so I won't be worried one bit about what you'll try to get up to while I'm gone.  Besides, that's your Tupperware so feel free to throw it all out. 

Margie: Idjit, padlocks can't stop me. Dynamite should clear your whole room and all your junk. Just get me a maid.

Edna:  Fine, here's your maid. I hope you and she are very happy together.

Festive Friday: Let it Snow!

Welcome to Festive Fridays!  Every Friday during December, we will be posting holiday songs as sung by our favorite crooners.  We hope you enjoy listening and watching as much as we enjoyed choosing.

First up is the lovely Rosemary Clooney, singing her version of "Let it Snow!"  Wherever you are, dear readers, we hope you're staying warm.