A kinder, gentler Margie?

Margie: Edna, dear, come eat your breakfast while it's hot. I made your favorites. There's a Margie McMuffin, hot tea, and fresh strawberries. You'll be ready to face the day after you fill your belly.

Edna: What are you up to, sister? The last time you did something nice for me, come to find out you'd stolen my credit card and booked yourself on a trip to Tahiti. So go ahead, spill your bad news.

Margie: Edna, I'm insulted. Can't I do something nice for my sister without you thinking I have an ulterior motive? My stars, you always ask why I can't be nice to you yet you never believe it when I am.

While we're talking I did want to say that I was wondering how much life insurance you have.

Edna: There, you see? That right there, I knew you were buttering me up for something. Never you mind about my life insurance, you keep your questions to yourself. And don't you go getting any funny ideas, you aren't the beneficiary anyway. 

Margie: That does it! See if I'm ever nice to you again, you old toad!

Edna: Your brand of "nice" I can do without, sister.

The bounty of the season

Edna: Folks, you know what I like best about this time of year? The fresh fruits and vegetables that our neighbors are starting to get in their gardens. Mrs. Tynsdale down the lane brought over some new strawberries; my lands, those are tasty! I'm thinking of using them in a lemon strawberry parfait tonight for dessert.

What's your favorite springtime dish, Margie?

Margie: Well, I'm mad because things keep getting more expensive. I'm glad somebody brought strawberries because we sure won't be able to afford them at the store.

Springtime makes me crave simple things like my favorite fruit salad.

Edna: I think that's your body's way of telling you that you didn't get enough roughage over the winter. I will say, that recipe sounds good. Mrs. Tynsdale also brought over some fresh asparagus, what should we do with that?

Margie: I don't like getting roughed up, nitwit. I do so love asparagus. Let's make my Creamy Fettucine recipe with all the veggies in it. That makes me hungry.

Edna, we need to let all our neighbors know that we'll take all the fresh produce they want to give us. I'll ask Pastor to put that on the Prayer list too.

Edna: I think that's a fine idea, why don't you go call him? I'll get started cooking, maybe all of the vitamins and minerals from the fresh produce will sweeten your disposition.

Chocolate Covered Anything Day

Margie: Edna, Wednesday is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day! I'm going to start my day with a big plate of chocolate covered biscuits. What will you have?

Edna: Maybe an antacid, in anticipation of all the chocolate I'll be eating on Wednesday. You know, I'm not a big fan of fruit and chocolate together, but Godiva has a Key Lime Truffle that will knock your socks off.

Margie: Key Lime and chocolate? Not for me. Give me some strawberries dipped in chocolate and a cowboy to feed me and that's what will knock your bloom, socks off.

Edna: Margie, no one wants to hear about you and any cowboys, so just hush up.

You know, I heard on the news the other night about chocolate-covered bacon. I like bacon and I like chocolate, but certainly not together!

Margie: No way do I want chocolate bacon. Yuck. I don't think I'd like any chocolate covered ants or grasshoppers either.

You've made me want chocolate milk. Why don't you go fix us a glass?

Edna: Sister, I'll make a deal with you: I'll fix you a glass of chocolate milk if you promise to stay out of this pound box of Russel Stover's I bought. I can't bring a box of chocolates into this house without you sticking your finger in the bottom of each piece to see what the filling is. Hands off!

Margie: Go fix the milk while I think about your deal.

Edna: Fine, but I'm taking my chocolates with me.

National Strawberry Month

Margie: Edna, I was just thinking about how I love strawberries. Remember how we used to go pick them then Mama would make jam and jelly?

Edna: Those wild strawberries were the sweetest I ever tasted, and Mama's jams and jellies were like summer in a jar.

Margie: Have you ever eaten a double strawberry, Edna? Legend says that if you break the strawberry in half and share it with a member of the opposite sex, you will soon fall in love with each other.

Edna: I've never heard that.... Margie, I do have to confess something. I shared double strawberries with each of your ex-husbands, which I guess explains why they all left you for me. I suppose I should apologize, although the only regret I truly have is that they were all duds as paramours. Those strawberries sure did taste mighty fine, though.

Margie: Edna, you're a double idiot. Why don't you make some sense and tell our readers where they can see more about our lovely hometown?

Edna: Well, they can always watch the "documentaries" that some moving picture company named CBS made about our little town of Jericho not too long ago. I've been watching them online every Tuesday night at 10PM EST. There's just something about that day and time that fills me with nostalgia.



Strawberry print courtesy of art.com