Margie and Edna talk football

Margie: Edna, I'm sick and tired of us going to Bailey's Tavern every Saturday night and being the only non- football addicts there. We can learn a little bit about the game so we can converse intelligently with folks.

You come sit down and let's watch this game on TV. Mr. Hawkins has taught me a few things about it and we're not too old to learn more.

Edna: Margie, I'm not so sure that I want to converse with those hooligans down at Bailey's about football, they're always shouting and rough-housing. But I'll give it a try if you think it's a good idea.

Did Mr. Hawkins tell you why the ball isn't round? That has always stumped me.

Margie: Edna, Mr. Hawkins is a smart man. He said the ball is shaped like that because it will fly through the air like a missile. I must say, though, that I don't understand why that young man who throws the ball is called a quarterback.

Edna, how does he play with a bad back like that?

Edna: Margie, they probably don't literally mean a quarter of a back, but it beats me what that name really means. This whole game is a mystery to me, I tell you what. I don't understand why they keep knocking each other over like that, it's very rude.

But to tell you the truth, what I really want to know is why they call that one player a "tight end". They all look like tight ends in those tight pants, that's for sure.

Margie: Edna, I see your point. Why don't we forget learning about football and study these tight ends in more detail? You get the special tea and I'll make popcorn!

Edna: It's a deal, sister.


*photo courtesy NYPL Digital Gallery

Margie and Edna: Boss's Day

Margie: Edna, did you know it's Boss's Day? I'm glad we don't have bosses anymore. I love being retired.

Your old boss at the Salt Mine sure deserves a prize though. Remember how you convinced him that part of your job was to look nice? The old fool paid for your beauty parlor trips and all your makeup and perfume.

Edna: Bless his heart, he always was a bit gullible. Remember when you got promoted to head librarian at the library, and you got to boss everyone else around? You had all those other librarians running scared.

Margie: You know me, Edna. I had to scare them because I'm just an old tender-hearted class act. I didn't want them taking advantage.

Who was your favorite boss, Edna?

Edna: "Tender-hearted class act"?? Surely you must be thinking of someone else, you wouldn't know tender-hearted if it sat up and introduced itself.

My favorite boss was the kind old man who ran the patisserie where I worked when I was a girl living in France. He made the best cakes, and he let me take home all the petit fours I wanted. Now THAT was a tender-hearted class act. Who was your favorite boss, Margie?

Margie: Edna, your nose just grew a foot for lying. We all know no girl of Daddy's lived in France. You did spend a summer in Paris, Texas working as a waitress.

My favorite boss was the kind man who owned the dime store where I worked. I liked him because he had a handsome son who would escort me home every day when I got off work. I could tell you stories, Edna.

Edna: Margie, I don't want to hear your lying stories and I don't think our readers do, either. You can just sit right there while I go get my passport out of my vanity table. Then I'll expect an apology from you.

Margie: Here comes the fake passport again. Oh well, by the time she gets back she'll have forgotten why she went to get it anyway.

Edna: Forget it sister, I don't have to stay and listen to this, I'm going to go down to Bailey's Tavern. You can go suck eggs.

Margie: Told you she'd forget.