Welcome to the 21st century!

Margie: Edna, I'm sick and tired of you being so dang lazy. You don't ever make your bed so I have to keep your bedroom door shut in case we have guests. Mama would be ashamed. She told me to look after you so  get your handbag and money because I've found something you're going to buy. It's a Smart Bed and it makes up itself!

The not-at-all scary "Smart Bed."

Edna:  First of all, what makes you think I'm going to waste my money on something to make YOUR life easier? Secondly, that bed looks like just one more step towards robots taking over the world.  First it's the robotic vacuum  cleaners and beds, next it's "Kill all humans!"  No thank you.

Margie: Edna, you need not be afraid if robots say to kill all humans because you aren't one.  You either start making your bed or I'll tell the robots you're here.

Nitwit.

A cautionary tale

Fruity Fridays!

Folks, this time of year makes us want to sit out on the porch under the ceiling fan and enjoy something cold and fruity.  It's about the only thing we can agree on when the weather gets hot and we get cranky.  Okay, crankier.  Maybe one of you wonderful blog readers would like to come over and whip us up a batch of Mango Strawberry Snow Cones?  We promise to share!

Tyler Florence's Mango Strawberry Snow Cones

Ingredients
Ice
2 mangoes, peeled and chopped
1 pint strawberries, hulled and sliced
1 lime juiced, plus wedges for garnish

Directions
Fill a food processor with ice. Process until the ice is very fine, like snow. Add the mangoes and strawberries and pulse to blend. Pile the crushed ice into dessert glasses or dishes and squeeze over the lime juice. Garnish with lime wedges; serve immediately.

The ladies talk a little gardening

Margie: Edna, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your tushie is getting broader by the day. I know you hate exercise but today is Gardening Exercise Day. We need to do some gardening anyway so we can have fun and exercise at the same time. Get up and come on. Maybe I'll fix you some of those sugar snap peas for dinner.

Edna:  Sister, after all those insults you'd best not get anywhere near me while I have this shovel in my hand.

Margie: 911? This is Margie. Send deputies quick! Edna is attempting to murder me.

Edna:  You just keep digging that hole, sister, and tell me when you hit six feet deep.

The fish should be scared...

Margie: Sister, did you know that June is aquarium month? Let's buy us an aquarium. I love to watch fish shows on TV so it'd be nice to have our own. I don't want any big-mouthed fish because your big mouth is more than enough for me.

Edna:  Tell me this, sister.  Who's going to clean out that aquarium when it gets dirty?  This isn't some Disney movie where the fish can take care of themselves.

Margie: Edna, you're just being silly. Nobody cleans the oceans or rivers so it's obvious that the fish clean up their own living area. Unlike you.

Edna:  I'm going to call the pet store and tell them not to let you in.  With an attitude like that, we'll have an expensive tank filled with dead fish inside of a week.  Besides, how were you planning on paying for this  aquarium?  Maybe Mary Bailey will let you wait tables for tip money.

Margie: Edna, you are a true idjit. You'll be responsible for cleaning the aquarium since you'll be the one buying it! I just want to watch your pretty fish.

Edna:  Margie, it never ceases to amaze me how you can flap your gums sixty ways to Sunday and yet you never say anything intelligent.  Truly, it's one of the wonders of the world--or, at least, of Jericho.

Diamond Jubilee Weekend

Margie's mistake

Margie: This elderberry cordial is mighty fine, sister. I'm all tuckered out from running errands today. Have another one, Edna, and I'll tell you a funny story. It'll probably be in tomorrow's paper and I wouldn't want you to see it and have a fainting spell. Don't get your bloomers in a wad because your heart isn't what it used to be.

Edna:  Margie, with a lead-in like that, how am I supposed to stay relaxed?  You just spit out your story and let me decide what to do with my bloomers.

Margie: Well, it was a hot day and I had all the windows in the car rolled down then my favorite song by Rihanna came on the radio. I turned up the volume and was singing along when I looked in the mirror and saw the flashing blue lights. I pulled over as I'm a law-abiding citizen. This hunk of a trooper walked up to my car and said something but I couldn't hear him.

My word, he was handsome. Well, I said to myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong so my Sunday School friends must be aiming to surprise me with a little treat. I turned the music a little louder and yelled, "Take it off. Take it all off." How was I to know he really was a trooper and not a male stripper?

He took me to the hoosegow but you need not worry. My friend, Mary Bailey, came and got me out. Deputy Jimmy said it may be in tomorrow's paper though.

Edna:  Good God, Margie, you should have poured me a bigger cordial before telling me all that. The next time the doctor asks me why my bleeding ulcers aren't getting better, I'm showing him this story.

Margie: You are nothing but a big baby. Would you like to hear another story?

Edna:  Not if it involves strippers, real or imaginary.  You just keep that to yourself.