Edna Is Coming Home

Margie,

Well, I’m on my way home. When we were eating dinner at a restaurant in St. Augustine last night, Aunt Biddy took her teeth out and dipped them in her coffee before putting them back in her mouth. And that was it, I just snapped. I think they heard me yelling all the way up in Georgia. Itty-Biddy got so mad at me, she said that she’d drive me right back to Jericho. Thank the good sweet Lord, it’s about dang time! I thought she’d never get the hint.

We did do some sight-seeing before we left town. Did you know that St. Augustine is the oldest city in the United States? I told Aunt Biddy maybe we should leave her here, since she’s the oldest person in the United States, but she didn’t think that was very funny. They have this old Spanish fort here; that’s it up in the right-hand corner. They let you climb all over it, if you want. I went up top and pretended I was firing the cannons out to sea, before the park rangers came and escorted me off the premises. They don’t let you get away with anything in this state!

Better pour me a glass of special tea Margie, I’ll be there soon. Itty-Biddy says she’s going to try and break the land speed record getting me back to Kansas, which I thought was mighty nice of her.

Love, Edna


Margie: Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. What am I going to do? I thought Edna would want to live in Florida. That old bat had to go and make everybody mad. Sakes alive.

I wish that cannon had backfired. I wonder if Itty might get lost? Lawsy me, I hope she drives to Alaska.

Cousin T, get in here. Fun time is over. Edna is coming home. Here, take this money and go get my nerve pills at the drugstore. Gather up all the Special Tea and put it in the basement. Oh, let that Frenchman out and send him packing. Call Deputy Jimmy & tell him to be on the lookout for a flying Biddy Bus.

Oh, run to the grocery store and get supplies and put them in the basement too. Run to the hardware store and buy whatever you need to lock us in that basement for a couple of weeks too. Get something to support that ceiling because Edna will be hopping up and down mad and it might cave in on us.

Cousin T: That ceiling is strong enough miss Margie. You had better fan yourself with this copy of cosmoplitan and calm down. You are all red in the face!

Margie: Oh Cousin T., I think I have the vapors. I feel faint. My heart just can't take one of Edna's baby tantrums. Can you think of anything else we need?

Cousin T: Maybe just a nip of special tea to calm them nerves.

Margie: Cousin T, I knew you had a brain! Let's go.