Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Margie: Yoohoo! Sister, I made your favorite brownies. You can have the pan by yourself. I'm in such a good mood today! I'd be in a better mood if I could borrow your pearl earbobs with the matching necklace. How about that red dress too? Oh, I probably need to borrow $100 to go buy those sparkly heels I saw at the shoe store in town. I poured you a glass of milk to go with your brownies too. I'll wash the dishes later.
Edna: Margie, if you need to borrow $100 then go ask Cousin T for it, because you are surely not getting it from me.
What are you up to? You're acting a bit more like a hussy than usual, and that makes me extremely nervous.
Margie: I was planning to propose to a nice gentleman at Bailey's but I see you want me to stay here with you. I guess my leaving isn't worth $100 to you so don't complain about me ever again. You had your chance.
Edna: Don't try that manipulative routine on me, I'm not one of your sad-sack patsies down at Bailey's. I know all your tricks, sister, just like I know that you can propose all you want but none of the nice gentlemen in town will have you. I'll be keeping my $100, thank you, no sense throwing good money after bad.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Margie: Today is International Polar Bear Day. I know they love to be cold so maybe somebody will send one to live with Edna and me. Edna is so stingy with the heat that I feel like I may be a polar bear myself.
Edna, do those polar bears drink anything but Coca-Cola? I bet they'd love some hot cider.
Edna: Go ahead and get close enough to one to offer it some cider, see what happens. I like polar bears, did you know that their hair looks white because the hair shaft is hollow? That's why sometimes you see green polar bears, because algea is growing in the hair shaft. My lands, but isn't nature interesting!
Margie: Sister, I'm less worried about being close to one and more worried about how daft you are. I think you have more than a hair shaft that's hollow.
Edna: You know, for an ex-librarian you're surprisingly hostile about learning new facts. I don't know why I even bother.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Margie: These cold winters surely make my old bones ache, sister, but I thank you for making me this warm nightgown. It's warm to my body.
Edna, do you remember when Mama and Grandma would make us that good hot cocoa in the wintertime? My stars, that stuff would warm us through and through. They didn't use an old mix either. Remember?
Edna: How could I forget? It was so warm and lovely, and you know how I love my chocolate! I remember how Mama used to make it special for us, and she'd put in broken peppermints or old pieces of candy cane. Remember how we used to find bits of cellophane at the bottom of the cup? We never told Mama, though, because we didn't want her to stop making us that delicious treat.
Margie: I do remember and I felt so loved when I saw that cup of cocoa. You know how I love marshmallows and Mama would always put an extra one in my cup. Nobody makes hot cocoa like that anymore.
Edna: Well, that's certainly true. Everything today is "instant" this, and "easy" that. It's times like this that I really miss the old-fashioned ways. And Mama, of course.
Thank you for reminding me of such a wonderful memory, sister. Maybe we should make some of Mama's hot cocoa right now, it sure would warm us both up.
Margie: What a wonderful idea! Edna, please don't sling sugar all over my new nightgown. You always did that when Mama wasn't looking then she'd wonder why the floor was so gritty.
Edna: Typical. Why are you so bound and determined to ruin a nice conversation with some kind of crabby remark? Just drink your cocoa, sister, and be glad I don't dump it in your lap.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Margie: Edna, while you took cookies to the nursing home I was browsing on Flakebook- I mean Facebook. I saw a slew of folks talking about some place called Pinterest so I checked it out. I really like it so I opened us an account. Would you like me to explain how it works?
Edna: I'm not a moron, Margie, you don't need to explain it to me like I'm a child. I know people too, you know, and I've been hearing all about this Pinterest on my own. Even that cute Reese Whitherspoon uses it.
I'm not sure I like that we're sharing an account, you'd best not mess around with my pin boards!
Margie: You act like a child which is why I have to treat you like one. You just don't be putting things on the boards that look like a 10 year old did it.
Forget about Reese Witherspoon and go look for some pretty clothes.
Edna: Oh honey, I'll be looking for pretty things to put up there, don't you worry.
Margie: Edna, your pictures are not pretty! I deleted all of them.
Edna: Then our definitions of "pretty" differ wildly, sister. I sure hope you weren't a complete idjit and did something stupid like delete my board about the Margiedale recruits.
Margie: Edna, you are sorely tempting me to delete YOU!
If you'd like to follow us on Pinterest, we'd love it if you click here:
Monday, February 20, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Edna: Margie, all this cold weather makes me want to stay inside where it's cozy and bake something yummy. I love looking for recipes over at the Pioneer Woman's website, and I think these look scrumptious: Knock You Naked Brownies.
Edna: Margie, if I wanted to hear about you getting naked I'd have asked. Now pardon me while I go bleach my brain.
Margie: Go ahead, sister, because you don't have to worry about killing brain cells. You've never had any.
Edna: Folks, guess who won't be getting any of my brownies????
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Margie: Edna, this is a day for people like you who don't have a sweetie who sends them a Valentine gift. I guess it's a day for smart women like me too because I'd rather be single as picking up after some man who thinks I'm going to be his maid and cook. I guess that's not limited to men since you seem to think the same thing. I know it's bad enough being stuck with you so I'm not about to add a husband to the equation.
Edna: Good Lord, Margie, the entire Jericho VFW is aware of your status as a single woman. So is the Jericho county sheriff's department, the volunteer firefighters, and that poor tax preparer at H&R Block you tried to sweet-talk into helping you get a bigger tax refund. You do not need a Singles Awareness Day, trust me.
Besides, I have a French-talking sweetie who's going to whisk me off to Tahiti this weekend so I don't need it either. I don't tell you everything, you know.
Margie: Edna, if you're going to Tahiti with a Frenchman then I'm going to New Zealand with this rugby player I just met. Don't hurry back.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Margie: Edna, do you remember when Daddy told us we should always plan ahead? If our power went out right now we'd be fine even though it's cold. I even heard the weatherman say something about snow.
Valentine's Day is coming soon and that makes me think about warm things like roses, chocolate, and hot tubs. Do you think I should add a warm body to my wish list? I wish Valentine's Day was here already because I'm cold.
Edna: Margie, even in the face of bitter winter cold, do you still have to think like a floozy? That's not what Daddy meant about planning ahead, and you know it!
But if you're wishing for a warm body, make sure he brings in enough wood to keep the stove going for at least a week. That fire isn't going to feed itself.
Margie: Edna, you should probably plan on going somewhere warm that week. Maybe you could go see the Biddy's.
Or would you like for me to find you a warm body? You'll sure never get one on your own.
Edna: Margie, I've got a warm body part right here you can kiss, so pucker up!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Margie: Friends, it's February again so I know all our thoughts are on love, Valentine's Day, and chocolate, but it's also American Heart Month. Did you know that cardiovascular disease is still the No. 1 killer of men and women, killing about 800,000 Americans each year?
Did you also know that up to 80% of cardiovascular disease may actually be PREVENTABLE through healthy lifestyle choices?
The American Heart Association recommends:
- Healthy eating: Low salt (1500 mg/day), low fat, 3-5 cups vegetables a day (Is chocolate a vegetable)?
- Exercise 30 minutes a day (I go to the bathroom at least that much every day).
- Healthy body mass index (Is that a couch potato?)
- Control blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose (I try but Edna makes my blood pressure go up quite often).
- Go smoke-free (I do except in winter when we have to build a fire).
- Listen to your body! If you feel something is not right, get it checked out. (My body talks to me every day. It says, " Snap, crackle,pop.")
Friday, February 3, 2012
Edna: Margie, I heard on the news that stupid groundhog saw its shadow. I tell you what, whoever thought letting rodents predict the weather was a good idea needs their head straightened out. That means we've got at least a month's worth of Frosty Fridays before spring makes an appearance. How should we spend them?
Margie: Frankly, I'd like to spend them in Florida but it's even been cold there in recent years. We could move to Hawaii where we'd never be cold. Other than those two things? Drink rum toddies day and night I suppose.
Margie: Let's go sit in front of the fire, sister, while I knit. I'll even sing "Purple Rain" for you. What fun! I feel warmer already!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Edna: Margie, I've been hearing a lot about the end of the world now that we've gotten to 2012. I have to say, I don't know what all the fuss is about. I've been ready to meet my maker for years, but maybe other people haven't been as well-prepared.
Do you really think the world will end on December 21, 2012?
Margie: Edna, I certainly hope not. I look forward to Christmas and nobody better cheat me out of it. Besides, I do so look forward to getting my new manly men calendar for the next year.
Edna: Good Lord woman, are nekkid men all you ever think about? You'd better hope the world doesn't end this year because I just do not know how you'd be able to face Mama and Daddy in the afterlife. On the other hand, you probably aren't going where they are so I guess it's a moot point.
Even though I'm spiritually prepared, I am not nearly ready to leave this earth in December because there is still too much I want to do. Maybe we'd better make a to-do list to prepare for the Apocalypse, what do you think?
Margie: Edna, you go on ahead without me. I'll do whatever you leave undone here.
Get the paper so we can make our list. I'm putting chocolate first because nobody can ever have too much chocolate.
Edna: Pfft, think again. I for one do not want this world to end before I hear you say you're sorry for stealing my date to the junior prom. I think you'd better focus on making some amends, missy, or you'll definitely be going to straight to you-know-where.
I'd also like to learn something new before I die. I was thinking snowboarding, but my old bones aren't what they used to be. Maybe I could finally learn how to play the banjo, I know how much you hate it.
Margie: Edna, I'm not sorry for anything and I wish I'd stolen your husband on your wedding day! You're going you-know-where in a handbasket.
Sister, snowboarding sounds lovely. You should do it. On the other hand, if you learn to play the banjo then I can sing as you play!
Edna: Then I think I'd better learn some new drink recipes, because I will surely have to be drunk to sit and listen to you sing.
You know what? I'm starting to think it's a little silly to believe that the world is going to end in 11 months, so I'm just going to live this year as I see fit and let the chips fall where they may. What do you say, sister?
Margie: I say that calls for an elderberry cordial. I'll meet you in the parlor!